Friday, June 18, 2010

We have a 4:15 appt at the vet's to have Buddy put to sleep. His cancer has spread rapidly.

I grew up with family pets but this is the first time that either Rob or I have had to make that final decision or to then follow it through. Knowing it is the right thing to do doesn't make it easier and deciding when has been most difficult - not wanting to wait too long....or act too soon.

I'm washing his bedding for a shroud and will gather some of his toys to be buried with him. It's a sad day here our home.

Buddy was such a delight to be around when I visited. I'm so sorry to hear that you're all having to go through this. ((hug))

Thanks, bam. It's been rough, much more so than I would ever have imagined. All four of us were with him - the girls wanted to be there and while concerned, we thought they were old enough to decide for themselves whether or not to go, either way would have been fine with me - but as quick as it was it was shocking. Shocking in an emotional way that none of us could prepare for and seem to be still processing.

And of course, everywhere you look around here something reminds you of his absence. Except for glimpses of his stone covered grave up the hill in the back yard, visible from every direction, which bring back the shock on already abused and raw feelings.

Sorry to be so morbid but you know, death...it sucks.

It does.

After 13 years, I still feel a bit of sadness when I see the little wooden cross in our backyard marking our kitty's grave. We had him from birth - seventeen years. But mostly it brings back very good memories of the best cat that ever was. I hope Buddy's resting place will become that for all of you.

I'm sorry about Buddy, Rose. I hope you, Rob and the girls find some solace in the fact that he's not hurting anymore. It was a tough decision, but the right one.....I know that doesn't help right now, but it will with a little time. A giant HUG to you and the family.

Thanks, baldar. I hope it isn't too late to wish you a Happy Father's day.

Sorry to hear that Rose. I went through the same thing when we had to have Wishbone, our mixed lab/shepherd, euthanized after she contracted a tumor on her neck and another on her gums that kept growing and made her eating and breathing difficult at best and must have made living miserable. I rode in the back of the truck the whole way to the vet and held her tight the whole way and was holding her still when they gave her the final lethal injection. I was never one of those people that treated their dogs like their children (I always figured that was for people who didn't have kids) so I was unprepared for just how hard not only having her put to "sleep" would hit me, (especially when I was actually there to experience the moment it happened), but at how suddenly the fits of grief could come on when presented with a reminder of her permanent absence.

I was really torn up for a few weeks afterwards and the worst part was that, since I have always had dogs in pairs from litters, there is usually a survivor that wonders what happened to their sibling. Our other dog, Shadow never realized what was in that black bag we buried near the creek and she started wandering off eventually, looking for her, I now surmise. One day she never came back and now we have no dogs and I don't think I want to replace them either. It's just too hard to go through eventually losing them.

Yeah, it's hard to think about going through it all again with another pet.

The whole thing has had me thinking about death and how (and why) people have handled it through the years and the superstitions and religious beliefs (is that redundant?) attached to death.

A book I read recently stated Scottish people a few centuries back had to leave their door open for a certain period (no matter the weather) so the soul could escape or else it would be trapped inside.

The HBO movie about the autistic woman who revolutionized cattle slaugterhouses showed her asking the simple question "where do they go?", noting with her hand pressed to a cow's side during execution that one minute "they're there" and the next "they're just meat." No one has that answer.

I've had brief moments of horror wondering if Buddy weren't really dead and we'd buried him alive. It's nonsense, the vet checked with a stethescope and verified he was gone....but it all happened so fast, and Buddy looked the same, like he might wake up as we put him in the ground and covered him with dirt.

I understand how people might want, or need really, to see the body start to decay, rigor mortis set in at least.

But no amount of ritual by any society through the ages is anything more than our attempt to guess what we should do or what to believe. We'll all get to that door eventually, though.

Did you catch the new Louis CK show on FX? He had a great bit on this subject:

http://www.missinfo.tv/index.php/hilarity-louis-c-k-s-standup-routine-from-his-new-louie-show/

I've seen him pimping the show a couple of places but haven't watched it. In fact, the time/network it's on didn't sink in during the interviews (FX? really?) so I obviously will never get around to setting a series recording which means I will never see it.

Watched the clip, tho. He's a funny guy. I did watch his last show - the one where he was married with a kid, Jim Norton was on it. It was okay but not a great showcase for him.