Things You Can Only Say On Thanksgiving

1. Talk about a huge breast!

2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.

3. It's Cool Whip time!

4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!

5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!

6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.

7. Are you ready for seconds yet?

8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?

9. Just wait your turn, you'll get some!

10. Don't play with your meat.

11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.

12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these
people at once?

13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!

14. You still have a little bit on your chin.

15. How long will it take after you stick it in?

16. You'll know its ready when it pops up.

17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!

18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

Well... some of us say those things even when it's not Thanksgiving.

I can almost hear you saying a few of those things, lol.

Getting Out Of Thanksgiving Dinner Early

After the meal has been going on for hours, and your family is grilling you about how your life is going these days, try on of these excuse so you can make a quick get away. Things To Do Thanksgiving Day If You Want To Be Excused Early

1. Remind your 12 year old nephew/niece that you left those condoms they asked for in the closet upstairs.

2. Announce that you would like to start a new family tradition, and proceed to take off your clothes at the dinner table.

3. Open the oven, shove hunks of velveeta into the turkey while it cooks. Tell mom it adds the coolest flavor.

4. Shoot olive pits at Grampa's glasses (just pinch them in your fingers and they FLY!!)

5. Whenever someone at the table says a word beginning with the letter R, make a loud "BUZZ"ing noise.

6. When it's your turn to state what you are thankful for, say "latex sheets and crisco".

7. Bring along old recorded football games, pop them in the VCR when Dad's not looking.

8. Suck your cranberry sauce loudly through a straw.

9. Sit at the "children's table" and lecture them on just why we need to increase the teenage pregnancy population.

10. Bring a date that only talks about her/his spouse at home.

11. As the family is being seated, shout, "Oh my Gawd, I forgot to show you all my genitalia piercing I got on Halloween!!"

12. Hold your nose while you eat.

13. Recite the tragic and abusive conditions known to exist at turkey farms.

14. Mid-meal turn to mom and say, "See mom, I told you they wouldn't notice, you were worried for nothing".

15. Load your plate up high, then take it to the kitchen, toss it all in the blender, and take your "shake" back to the table. Announce that you've got a new fear of choking.

16. When you arrive, promise that your date won't be more than an hour late, he/she just has to wait for the warden to get together all the necessary release forms, and then they are free to go.

17. During dinner, ask your brother if his mistress solved that little "dead rabbit" problem.

18. Turn to Dad and tell him to advise your brother, having experienced that himself.

19. Promise that the winner of the "wishbone tug" gets to sleep with your date. (sex/age unimportant)

20. Twitch a lot and nervously tell the person next to you, "THE SAFETY IS ON", while you hold your pocket.

Those excuses are brilliant. Who doesn't want to escape the family early?! Except I don't want to go until after I eat, lol.

Oh, me either, but perhaps uttering #14 right at the end of the meal would make for a good exit line.