tuesday 10-02-07

Um... I have absolutely nothing. It's just another day much like all my other days.

I'm eating lunch waiting for my boss/friend to come over at 1. He's going to install Visio on my computer (great! something else I don't know how to use!) and go over this workflow thing with me.

I only cracked the chapter on workflow in the software this morning - and I skipped ahead 4 chapters to do it.

I don't like this. I am too stressed and feel too incompetent. I would like to just quit but it's my friend and the company has invested time and expense in me already. I am going to try to make it thru this project and re-evaluate the situation. I know it's not like my life depends on succeeding at this job or anything but it's really getting to me. Everything I do 24/7 centers around this job.

I know you guys are sick to tears of hearing about it. I am sick of writing about it.

I am absolutely NOT sick of hearing about it. I've been living vicariously through you job-wise.

That's why were here.....VENT!!! if it helps. Every new job gives one feelings of doubt, because they're throwing new things at you at a tremendous rate. Don't let it stress you, it's normal, and from what I've seen of you on these msg boards, you are not lacking in competence or ability. We just need to instill a little confidence in you, so from now on, every post I make is going to start with the phrase "Sass is smart and capable....and cute too!" This will continue until you agree with me.

Last post about my work for a while and then I'll shut up about it. I got so stressed today - everything I needed to learn involved software I didn't know how to download or use OR it involved writing XML code which might as well be Arabic. I finally gave up about 5 and went for my walk.

I decided while I was out as I was near tears that I had to call my friend and tell him straight up I was grossly underqualified for this job. Life is too short to be this stressed - I don't need this kind of pressure. I gave myself a pep talk all the way home planning out how I would emphasize all the many different things I did not know - from content formats like powerpoint, flash and ODF (the list is endless) to RSS feeds, tomcat, JBoss, Java, XML ....if none of this means anything to you - welcome to my world!!!!

So anyway, I made the call as soon as I got home - shaking (Rob left town today so not even any moral support or anyone to bounce anything off of) and just said it as bluntly as I could.

Somehow, he convinced me that I could do this job and that I wasn't expected to know any of the above and that I was doing fine. He said we'd go thru this workflow thing together and I get a better idea of the scope of my responsibilites.

As it stands atm I am feeling better altho still concerned not nearly with the magnitude I was. I'm not quite so distressed that I am a total fraud - I could not have been more up front about how I feel I am lacking. But maybe I'll will sleep better tonight.

And now I have to go work on my Creek Indian diorama - a project I feel like I can actually handle!

Glad you're feeling better about it. Obviously your friend has confidence that you can do it, so I think you should rely on him (and lean on him a bit if necessary) - particularly during times like today when you are feeling so stressed out.

Go, Sass, go!



I got a call from another temp agency today regarding a job I applied for online yesterday. She is going to email me some tests tomorrow, and if I do well enough, I will be invited to go fill out some paperwork at their office. She said they had 2 possible positions for me - which is 2 possibilities more than the other agency has had for me. I'd get excited about it, but every time I get my hopes up, nothing happens.

Sass is smart and capable....and cute too! My day went as usual....nothing out of the ordianry. i even got to take a nap.

The bright spot in my days lately is eating ice cream. I fell in love with Black Jack Cherry. Since it was so delightful I decided to experiment some more and bought Wild Berry Cheesecake.

It's not as good but I am forcing myself to eat it. Actually it's pretty damn good. There is no food like comfort food.

It goes without saying the ice cream is eatien in a waffle cone.

I want some triple fudge chocolate chip ice cream.

Sass is smart and capable....and cute too. Now you all have me in the mood for Dairy Queen.

I have burned two fingers with the glue gun and prolly destroyed one of Rob's wood chisels breaking popsicle sticks but the diorama is 85% completed, praise Allah.

Hmmmmmmmmmm oh boga taaaaa, mea deum sunt praesorium oohhhmmmmmmmmmm.